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When they pull away: the red flag of non-commitment you must never ignore in a new relationship
How to avoid the traps that will cause you more pain and suffering
Working as a Psychologist comes with many privileges. To see people work on themselves, achieve their goals, and thrive in life is truly rewarding. To feel part of peoples’ ups and downs in such an intimate way is a real honor. You also get to see a lot of trials and errors when it comes to human interaction and relationships. Patterns are easy to spot when you are assessing situations from the outside — so please do not think I am sitting on my high horses. It is always a bit harder to view ourselves in an impartial manner!
When a new date starts pulling away
One of the patterns I see causing plenty of pain is that of a relatively new partner’s withdrawal in relationships. Up until a certain point, things have been going nicely. You feel connected and the sparks are flying. Then suddenly- often seemingly from out of the blue or when things are moving towards increased closeness, your new partner decides to pull away. You are left perplexed and wondering if you did something to make it happen. Previous communication gets read on repeat as though you were studying for an exam. But to no avail. No matter how much detective work you carry out, you cannot seem to find any real reason why they would have chosen to do this at this point.
Patterns in the early phases of a relationship often tell a clear story of how things will unfold later
Many clients make statements such as ‘there is no way anyone would have spotted this with them at first. They were so forthcoming/loving/committed/emotionally available then…but then it is almost like something happened and they stopped…’
The reality is, that even strong signs of wanting to get together and big promises about the future can sometimes hint at commitment problems- although this sounds a bit reverse of what you would expect. People who have intimacy issues frequently find that they can with ease relate well in the early days of relationships. Basically up until a point where the ‘dreaded commitment’ starts looming. When a relationship…
