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Cutting losses and letting go of unhealthy relationships
Lessons from treating addicted gamblers can help explain why moving on is so hard
As a Psychologist who specialises in treating gambling addiction, I used to think it was interesting that so many other situations in life mimicked the gambling experience. The quest to find a balance between holding on and letting go showed up everywhere in the stories of my non-gambling clients as well.
Soon enough I figured it was of course the other way around. Gambling was constructed to fit neatly in with the stuff that drives the human mind towards obsession, longing, chasing and clinging. Even at times when doing so is detrimental. As an activity based on exposure to intermittent reinforcement schedules and yearning for rewards, it generates an intense cocktail of emotional ups and downs.
For most people, gambling generates a dopamine rush. However, the vast majority can appreciate the fun for the moment, with no aftermath and longing desires to return for more. Yet for others, gambling turns into an addiction. And unlike other addictions, one where the addictive behaviour is used in a hopeless attempt to end the addiction itself. Sadly, the same appears to be happening in destructive relationships where I see individuals returning to the person inflicting…
