Ambiguous losses: when a relationship ends and you lack closure

Controllable steps you can take to move yourself on

Photo by Kyle Broad on Unsplash

The distress of a relationship that ends against one’s wishes is always sad. Certain types of endings can further exacerbate the pain of being left. One such ending is the very absence of one. I am referring to the experience of being left without closure, explanation, or, at times, even a single word. Modern dating etiquette often falls short of common courtesy and in my job as a Psychologist, I have supported many people through the messy mind-boggling experience of being suddenly abandoned by someone with whom things appear to be going okay.

Like lightning striking from a blue sky you will find yourself unprepared and without shelter or a raincoat. Rather than being able to comfort yourself with a few facts and certainties, you are left in disbelief and with your mind spinning while trying to manufacture reasons why things ended and what you could have done not even to deserve a proper ending. Denial and obsessive ruminations are frequently part of the process of bereavement, but in these cases, the lack of acceptance can create a barrier that makes it hard to move beyond the early phases of grieving.

What is an ambiguous loss?

An ambiguous loss is a…